My memory sucks. Maybe I didn’t eat enough vegetables growing up. Maybe I shouldn’t have intentionally hit my head against walls repeatedly. Whatever the cause, I can’t remember and recall things very well.
Just ask my wife.
Yet my mind is remarkably capable of reminding me of all my failures, all my mistakes. It reminds me, in vivid detail, of the times I’ve hurt people. Other times it recalls pain that help me build walls quick, fast and in a hurry.
It does a great job of holding me back, of drawing out my skeletons and my ghosts.
Skeletons in the closet and ghosts from the past. These are the deeds I wish I hadn’t committed and the mistakes I’ve made. They are the lies I’ve told and the actions I’ve had to account for.
They come out at the worst of times, wreaking havoc on sensitive issues. Blundering in when grace is needed, they are sharp reminders that I have not lived perfect lives.
They have a way of influencing our decisions and thinking. Ghosts come to us in weakness, reminding us of the wrongful pleasure and fun we’ve had in the past. Skeletons open the door to depression and self-defeating criticism. They lead to the grave. They always have, yet we find ourselves transfixed by their call, by the call of death.
I’m reminded almost daily of my skeletons. My ghosts follow quickly behind, beckoning me down the passages I’ve travelled before.
I swear I have an entire army of death marching behind me every day.
As I have found out, it’s not hard to have a platoon following closely behind you, letting you know every step of the way that you won’t amount to a hill of beans (let’s be honest though, while impractical, an actual hill constructed of beans would be kind of cool, especially if they were cooked… And served with rice… I’d eat it). Each new relationship is hampered by my inability to be vulnerable (think of all the mistakes I’ve made). Each new path is riddled with doubt (I’ve failed so many times before, this time won’t be different).
So I stay. Stuck in a hell I never wanted to be in. Stuck in a pit that I cannot climb out of. I see light, but my mind reminds me that it’s not for me, not for someone as pathetic as me.
But that isn’t how we are supposed to live. We aren’t supposed to be trapped by our past or lured by our addictions. We are not simple creatures trained to return to our vomit. We are children of God! (Even those who reject Jesus are children of God, never misunderstand that.) We are not shackled by failures or doomed to repeat ourselves.
Listen, my little ones, you will endure terrible things. Some done to you, some done by you. You will gather an army of undead that follow you, hoping to drag you to hell.
There is only one way to rid yourselves of your little undead attachments. That is by
Speaking the truth.
Our past depravities will die when we speak the truth. When we have nothing to hide, when we become vulnerable and allow ourselves the freedom to be authentic with other people, those issues from the past lose their power. Their grip releases.
We are not bound by failures and mistakes once they are out in the open.
Skeletons and ghosts thrive on the lack of exposure. They ride upon the back of Darkness. But in speaking the truth, we shine a rather glaring light on them. They look horrible at first and it hurts like hell to begin prying them from our bodies. But the weight we release from dropping the burden of our baggage is absolutely freeing.
Speaking the truth to ourselves is just as important. We believe a lot of lies about ourselves. Don’t believe me? Read your Bible and try and believe all the awesomeness God says about you and about who you are. At some point or another you’ll wonder, “Why did you do this for me, God? I don’t deserve this.”
The part that makes you feel inadequate, those are lies. And you have bought into them. Those ghosts love to whisper in your ear. But when we speak the awesome truth that we are children of God, heirs of His Kingdom… Ghosts simply cannot stand up to that.
Speaking the truth is speaking life. Learn to speak life. Then speak it over yourself and your friends. There is power in your words. Use them to share the Light, use them to expose the darkness.
Speak life, my Light Bearers.